Justin Timberlake makes an unlikely friend
"you’re supposed to sleep in dad’s bed, sammy. you’ll get sick."
"i know. it’s okay."
My Mom just accidentally prematurely sent an email to an accounting firm… It was supposed to say ‘I am afraid that we will have to postpone our meeting”
but she hit send when all it said was
I am afraid
i need men’s rights because i’ve been walking in a small circle for years. i can only do men’s lefts. i am very hungry. women laugh at me
THIS IS SERIOUSLY MY FAVORITE THING ON THE INTERNET AND I KNOW PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY THAT BUT I MEAN IT
“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
My dad just yelled “I SWEAR I’LL CUT OFF WHAT’S LEFT OF YOUR DICK IF YOU FUCKING TOUCH MY COKE DON’T YOU DARE” and I came in the room like what the fuck and it was my dad holding up a shoe and my cat sitting by a glass of coca-cola with his paw almost touching inside of it and both of them didn’t even break eye contact with each other
I’m so done with my life
When confronted with a cuddly cat, the lizard simply continues to lizard.
I will never not reblog this.
imagine a milkshake place called “shakesperience” where all the milkshake flavours are named after puns of shakespeare plays
- Rolo and Juliet
- Mars Ado About Nothing
- Antonutella and Cleopatra
- Merchocolate of Venice
- Two Gentlemint of Verona
- Richerry III
It would bringeth all the gentlemen to the yard.
Tom Hiddleston would faint